After thinking for days and months over what exactly I can give you on your birthday gave me only one answer – “Nothing”. Nothing as in nothing special in the short time I have..
So after hours of brainstorming session that I had with my small brain I could think that what if I could give her “WORDS” as it is the most appreciated gift by her. But then gifting Words are easier said than done isn’t it..??? Anyways keeping that part aside with no back up nothing in mind started writing on a piece of paper as usual and all the repetitive words that I always write for you… Which again made me think that is it really what I wanna give her..??? naaaaah….
So another hour of brainstorm of thinking an innovative way of giving the words wrapped as a gift.. but how..??? And there comes the KHOJ…
So now no looking back I got my laptop and this is what I could write for you…
Nanna… Firstly a very Happy Birthday to you…
Somewhere this is again an attempt to hide my guilt that I have not made something really creative for you as promised to each other.. Though promises are meant to be broken…
I don’t know what im going to write here in this blog.. But surely it’s not going to be a write up which just says u know that “you are the best”.. “u have changed me” n all..
What I thought I can do is have a conversation…
A conversation which might just help you understand that yes only and only together we can take charge of the situation around us right now and not alone..
Girl jus to add to this.. Whatever that has happened between us this month or probably last few months is somewhere like a nightmare.. Of course leaving the 31st part aside… but yes somewhere we are going through a rough patch…
What I want to say with this part is that, everything which has happened has happened cause of a reason… the reason might be anything… but somewhere the reason has been the communication gap… The way we used to talk to each other in the night has changed.. and changes to wat..??? good night, I love u more, my dreams… that’s it… Nanu.!! We donno even know what is going in each others life… The only thing that I hear is “Aaj CET ke liye ye kiya… supratim sir ne ye message bheja” n all that… and wat u get to hear is WE WE WE n WE… so its kind of becoming frustrating from both sides…
Even for that matter taking an appointment to meet u and then the appointment getting canceled.. fine whatever it is… but one thing I want to say is I Love you.. Unconditionally…
I know you must be wondering that my biggest strength doesn’t gimme support for the cet preparations.. doesn’t gimme confidence… but obviously u have to understand that for every action there has to be a reason.. A reason that should not be said but felt at least in our case…
What I also want to talk is that this phase is not going to last forever… but if u give up then it is definitely going to make me weak… Anu that day u said that I was screaming at you I don’t understand you… shona u also said sorry to me which I have still not accepted because I know somewhere that sorry was not for a right reason.. And of course I don’t even expect a sorry from you cause u don have to… but only thing that I would want u to know is try to understand why I was saying all this… rather that just pointing out at my weakness of me hanging up the phone on u is tolerated by u but the vice versa doesn’t happen… Anu so many times in ur anger u have banged the phone on my face.. and I have not reacted but that day I reacted and I couldn’t resist… Bacchu u r my mirror… and this mirror shows me to me… and I know something is wrong… You were not the usual you.. and I know the reason why….!!!
Well Anu an honest request would be take your time..!!! Talk to me.. now im free.. im all urs.. I don’t even have exams now… I still feel that day if u would have been in a better understanding mood the outcome of the conversation would have different…
And the worst part… stop crying and cribbing about small small things…
I think this whole blog was written more centered towards the scenario of veggies.. Fine.. its just that I love u too much to ignore these stupid things…
And the only message is “This is a long journey that we are obliged to walk together… And we obviously knew that there would be ups and downs.. More of ups though… Anu such situations bother a fuck to me as u know my capability of keeping things inside very well and burying them and also doing susu on them… but I know it hurts u… I did have a thought once that even you are like me or becoming like me.. but I was wrong… and trust me I have no regrets… I have always loved you the way u have always been… and will always do… but I really can’t see u in pain… really can’t…
Now use an eraser.. Erase all the things or rather flush the things in the toilet… Cause this is your Birthday…
HAPPY BIRHDAY...
Arey tu toh buddhi ho gayi hai yaar… aur teen saal mein teri shaadi ho jaayegi.
I thought I would be writing a nice blog to you on your birthday… he he and ended up writing a complaint letter…
Hey I just hope that next time we would be more open to a successful conversation rather than this… as u know im the biggest idiot when it comes to writing blogs…
And….. I Love You more….
And….. Happy Birthday..!!!